


On My Chest, On My Heart

by dnawhite76, Prubbs



Category: DCU (Comics), Red Robin (Comics), Superboy (Comics), Superboy and the ravers, Young Justice (Comics)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, M/M, Pen Pals, Secret Crush, Secret Identity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-09
Updated: 2019-01-09
Packaged: 2019-10-01 19:25:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17249981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dnawhite76/pseuds/dnawhite76, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Prubbs/pseuds/Prubbs
Summary: In a new city part way through his senior year, Conner Kent was prepared to step out if the lime light and get through the year without being noticed. But when he let's slip his biggest secret to his class-assigned penpal, Conner realizes that staying anonymous is harder than he thought.The Young Justice fic you never asked for on the day the new comic comes out. Inspired by Love, Simon.





	On My Chest, On My Heart

**Author's Note:**

> _“The time has come. I know you, and now you will know me. Ever Yours.” - **Kelly Morgan** , EXPOSURE_

**ON MY CHEST, ON MY HEART**

 

  
  


Conner didn’t feel different. 

He looked at himself in the mirror and waited for his reflection to shift, but the same blue eyes looked back at him feeling stupid as he examined his new haircut. His mom had taken him to the salon with her the day before saying that he couldn’t start his first day at the new school in the city looking like he had just rolled out of the barn. He had been getting the same hair cut at the same barbershop in Smallville since he was a kid, the same mess of hair for as long as he could remember. But his mom had told them to smarten him up and the result was… interesting. He ran a hand over the almost naked back of his head, hating to admit that it actually felt nice to run his fingers over the fade into the short wave of black that they’d left him with. He may have even liked it if he was still in Smallville, with his old friends teasing him and calling him a city boy as they drove through the fields in his dad’s pick up. But the new hair came with his Mom’s new job as the editor in chief of the Gotham Gazette-- a job that, she had told Conner over and over again, could not be done remotely. 

But Conner wasn’t upset about the job. He wasn’t upset about Gotham. It wasn’t like he was odd or geeky or had trouble fitting in-- the real problem here was that moving to Gotham took away the excuse that he had been making for years. The one reason that he had to keep the world's biggest secret-

“Kon, honey! We are going to be late!” His mom called up the stairs making him jump stupidly and mess up his carefully trussed up hair. 

“Y-yeah, Just a sec, Ma!” he called back and readjusted, only giving himself a second to hate his new uniform before he grabbed his bag and made his way past the boxes in his new room to the door. 

The apartment was still almost completely packed, but leave it to his father to make sure that the kitchen was fully functional before they went to bed on their first night there. It had only been three days since they had moved in but living out of boxes was already getting to his mom who was freaking out every few minutes about the new job. So the kitchen had become the safe haven, a place where they could all pretend that the apartment was put together and didn’t look like it was about to explode. Conner squeezed into through the packed hallway and made a comisserate face at his mother. She smirked an apology at him over her computer that she closed when he got through and straightened up. “Oh Kon,” she sighed dreamily at him. “You look so handsome.” 

He fought hard not to roll his eyes, “Mom…” he started dropping his bag by the table. 

“Clark,” she whined tearfully as she got out of her chair, grabbing Conner by the shoulders to keep him standing. “Look how handsome your son is,” she said accusingly. His parents always blamed the good things about him on each other, like it couldn’t have possibly come from them. It was adorable and also disgusting. 

His dad turned from where he was standing at the counter making waffles and looked over the top of his glasses. “That’s not my kid,” he told her in a completely sober tone. “Look at him. He’s too perfect and too tall. You made that.” 

“How dare you.” She glared at him squeezing his shoulders and Conner laughed despite himself. 

“You know that people usually say  _ bad _ things when they push their child off on the other parent,” he told them as he pulled his chair out and sank into it. 

They both laughed like that was the stupidest thing that they had ever heard and his mother said, “Your father doesn’t have a bad bone in his body,” at the same time his father said, “Your mother is the most perfect being on this earth,” and Conner didn’t know in that moment whether he hated them or just loved them even more. 

Jon, however, had not reached the age where he could find peace in the grossness of their parents yet. “You guys are weird,” he told them happily as he fell into his seat next to Conner, looking very pleased with his new uniform. Jon was pleased about everything. Conner didn’t think he had ever seen his little brother upset about anything in the twelve years he had been alive, even when he was a baby. He never cried, never fussed. He was just a natural ray of freaking sunshine without a care in the world. Though Conner would like to argue that  _ his _ uniform didn’t require him to wear a tie. Not that his mom cared. She jumped out of her chair and gave Jon the same treatment that she had done him starting a new bought of complements between their parents, Jon looking at him for help only making Conner grin more. 

They ate breakfast together, their parents giving them a bunch of unnecessary advice until their mom looked at the clock and got up again. “I have to go,” she said wistfully and shot a jealous look at their father. “Oh, I wish I could take them to school with you.” 

“I’ll take pictures” Clark promised and both Jon and Conner groaned. 

Lois grinned at them and gave her boys big, loud kisses on their cheeks. “I love you. Be kind and try really, really hard!” she told them and then she was out the door, the boys following shortly after. 

Clark seemed perfectly at home leading his children onto the subway, like he had been in Gotham his entire life and not tucked away in the heart of corn-land USA. Conner knew that his parents had met at school in Metropolis and all of this wasn’t completely new to him, but watching his dad maneuver through the city you would think he had lived here his entire life. Gotham Prep was on the way to Gotham Academy and Conner and Clark waved at Jon as he bounded excitely up the front steps, already talking to pretty blond girl with pigtails that he had bumped into on his way in. And then it was just Conner and his dad walking the four blocks over to his  _ fresh start.  _

His parents kept saying that. This move. This job. This school. They were a fresh start on some amazing new part of their lives- the thing that would set everything on the right path. But Conner had already been planning a fresh start before the ball had even started rolling on all of the ‘this’. A new part of  _ his _ life that he had been holding in for almost five years. He had told himself that his senior year would be the perfect time to finally let go, start off his adult life being truly himself for the first time in such a long time. 

But that was in Smallville, with friends that he had known since they were in diapers where this secret made him feel big and open and free. But here standing in this new city next to his father who had made him, known him, and shaped him his entire life-- and  _ still  _ didn’t know that he was gay… it just made Conner feel small. 

When they were about a block away they fell into a crowd of teens in the same uniform that he was in walking in groups up to the front of the Academy laughing and teasing each other like it was easy. They got a few stares, some of them looking at his dad, but most of them letting their eyes linger over Conner himself making him wonder if they could smell the new blood rolling off him. He grabbed his dad's arm before they could get up to the front. 

“I think I can make it the rest of the way,” he told him, entirely too aware of the group of girls that were giggling as they walked past them, shooting them looks. 

Clark seemed to notice them too and frowned at him. “You sure?” he asked. “We could wait a minute if you-”

“No, Pa.” He forced himself to smile at him, “Really, I’m fine,” he promised and after he looked him over for a long moment, Clark smiled at him. 

“Okay, Kon.” he told him and pulled him in to kiss the side of his newly buzzed head before he could protest, grinning at the red that washed over him when he pulled back. “You gonna make me proud today?” he asked already turning away. 

Kon pursed his lips through his embarrassment wondering just how small he could become here. “Yeah, Pa,” he promised. 

“That’s your mother's son,” he called back at him before Kon was left on his own to quickly loosen his tie a little before falling in with the rest of the crowd to try and disappear. 

 

**\---**

 

“Hey mom,” Tim called. The blow dryer shut off and his mom and sister both turned to look at him. He was pretty sure Cass’ hair hadn't been that color when he went to bed last night. The dark purple barely a shade lighter than her natural black. The light caught it when she turned back to the mirror. 

“Yes Kitten?” He turned his attention to his mom who was still holding the blow dryer over Cass’ head. 

“Oh. Jay's on the phone. He said he got your care package. I didn't know if you wanted to talk to him or not. Dad's interrogating him right now.” He chuckled and his mom sighed. 

“Can you help me out? Make sure you use cold, okay?” He took the blow dryer as she walked past him and stepped up behind Cass. He met her eyes in the mirror. 

“I can't wait for Bock to see it.” Cass smiled and he finished drying her hair. She was running her fingers through it, the color shimmering in the light. 

“Neither of you are allowed to go away to school. Okay?” he whined as his mom wrapped around him. She squeezed him harder. “Deal with it. You get all of your brother's hugs now since he just  _ had _ to move across the country.” 

Breakfast was chaos, like it always was. Damian was angry at everything because it was before noon. Angry that his cereal didn't have enough milk, angry that his dad had added too much milk when Bruce got tired of hearing his complaints, angry that he didn't have any clover marshmallows. Dick was trying to make his own pancakes, but kept burning them, the acrid smell coated everything. Cass danced her way through the room grabbing a few power bars from the bowl on the counter. He watched his father's reaction when she ducked down to kiss his cheek. His eyes narrowed briefly on the new color, but he didn't say anything. Tim watched it all as he ate his own bowl. It was odd having breakfast without Jason. It was too quiet. Damian wasn't shrieking in outrage over Jay needling him about something small. Dick wasn't talking loudly over them all trying to play mediator as Cass laughed at everything. Their parents were still sat at the head of the table talking to each other completely unphased. When he had first joined the family he'd been thrown by how calm they were when chaos erupted, but now he found comfort in that. 

Eventually Dick gave up on the pancakes, dumping the remnants of his batter in the sink. Tim slid a bowl over to him when he approached. Cass grabbed the keys and motioned for him to hurry up. Damian scrambled to rinse out his bowl before running out after her. He rinsed his own in no hurry to follow after them. He wasn't having the best senior year. 

Bruce caught his arm as he passed, “Have a good day at school.”

“Yeah sure, Dad.” He got his hair rubbed before he was set free. 

 

**-**

 

Bart tripped and stumbled the last few feet to their table. Cassie laughed barely looking up from her phone. Bart stuck his tongue out and Cassie returned the gesture even though Tim hadn't seen her look at Bart. 

“I got my pen pal,” Bart announced. The Pen Pal Project was an archaic Academy tradition. Students used to write to other Academies throughout the country, but over the years it had come to consist of a single grade. The project was how his parents had first gotten to know each other. He remembered Selina reciting sections of his dad's letters to them on their anniversary or whenever she deemed it appropriate. There was one framed on her desk that he had memorized from times when he couldn't sleep and sat with her while she worked.

Every senior was a little excited to get their randomly assigned pen pal. Most acted like it was a bother, but there was always an electric feeling in the air when they picked their pals. 

“What are you going to say?” Cassie asked. 

“I don't know. We're supposed to talk about ourselves in the first message. I guess I'll wait and see what they say. I get to reply.” 

“Oh lucky.” 

 

**-**

 

Cassie picked up hers first. She shot him two fingers as she walked back to her desk. He watched a few more students go. Some excited some unenthused. When his name was called he stood and drew the email. A number one sat under the email. He sighed. He was first. He had to start the conversation. 

He'd mentally written out starts, but when he finally got time to himself after dinner to actually get the assignment done he just stared at the blinking cursor. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**To** : PalK01V0r@gothamacedmypp.com

**From** : PalT1lvl@gothamacademypp.com

**Subject** :  _ Hello I guess _

 

_ Hello…  _

_ I am your pen pal.  _

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ugh. He sounded too much like Darth Vader as he typed that. He ran a hand through his hair. He'd tried calling Jason to get his help on the start. He'd never been very good at new things. He'd hardly spoken a word when he'd first been placed with the Waynes. Even less when it was time to go to a new school. It had been Jason, who had been officially adopted only a few weeks before Tim had arrived with a duffle bag and barely contained tears in his eyes, that had first made him feel welcome. Bart had literally fallen into his life on his first day at his new school. He really needed to get smaller shoes. Cassie had seen the two of them playing cards during lunch and decided they were hers. He wasn't good at doing things with intention. He reread the line. Eh. He was a nerd. He was going to own it. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_ Hello…  _

_ I am your pen pal. Not your father. Just your pen pal.  _

_ The teachers told us to write about ourselves. I have parents, and siblings. They are all the worst, only because they aren't actually that bad. My sister is the only normal one in the family. We have a house and a dog. I go to school here and my best friend moved across the country last month. It sucked. Still does.  _

_ I know that this isn't much, but I have to get some homework done.  _

_ Thanks for reading?  _

_ PalT _

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He erased the end. Their teachers had told them that they could change their emails during the first week. Bart and Cassie both had changed their names as soon as they'd gotten their accounts. He hadn't known what to change it too. There was a policy of anonymity with the assignment, so he couldn't just change it to his name. He looked up at the poster above his desk. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**To** : PalK01V0r@gothamacedmypp.com

**From** : DonDiegoVega@gothamacademypp.com

**Subject** :  _ Hello I guess _

 

_ Hello…  _

_ I am your pen pal. Not your father. Just your pen pal.  _

_ The teachers told us to write about ourselves. I have parents, and siblings. They are all the worst, only because they aren't actually that bad. My sister is the only normal one in the family. We have a house and a dog. I go to school here. I like to take photos sometimes. And my best friend moved across the country last week. It sucked. Still does.  _

_ I know that this isn't much, but I have to get some homework done.  _

_ Talk to you later _

_ Call me Vega? _

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

**\---**

 

Conner was relieved to see that the teachers at Gotham Academy weren’t exactly the warm chatty type. They signed his attendance sheet and pointed him towards whatever desk they had free, but other than that there was nothing more than the normal teacher/student interaction. That was until he got to his fourth period English class. Half of the class was already seated when he pushed his way in, chatting excitedly with each other, pausing for only a moment when they saw him and going right back to it. He made his way over to the teacher's desk. He felt his face turning red as he pulled out his attendance paper for her to sign, trying to brush off the feeling that they were talking about him. Ms. Ander was perky and young with long red hair that curled down her back in a way that made no sense but looked absolutely amazing. She signed his paper with a grin and, to his great remorse, asked him to stay by her desk while the class settled and the bell cued the start. She stood up and clapped her hands together in excitement, causing the attention to shift to the front of the room. 

“Good morning class!” She said happily even though it was hardly morning any longer. “Like we discussed last week, it is the first week of November and that means the Gotham Academy Pen Pal project has officially started. Now I know that we have been over this before and no doubt your parents have told you about their experiences- but we have a new student joining us today!” She clapped Conner harder than she should have been able to on the back jolting him forward. “Would you like to introduce yourself?”

No. Conner would have given anything to peel apart his molecules and sink into the ground, but that wasn’t possible. He cleared his throat and tried his hardest to pretend he didn’t want to throw up. “I’m Conner, Kon. My family just moved here from Kansas. Smallville.” He told the class sending a mutter back through it. 

“We are glad to have you, Kon.” Ms. Ander beamed at him, her hand still on his shoulder. “Now would anyone like to tell Kon what the Pen Pal Project is?” A small boy with red hair in the middle of the far left row of seats raised his hand so quickly that Conner didn’t see it go up. “Yes, Bart.” She pointed at him. 

His voice was clear and confident as he spoke directly to Conner. “The Pen Pal Project is a long standing Gotham tradition,” he smirked like he knew just how pretentious that sounded. “Completely anonymous. Way back in the day everyone got a numbered cubby in the office and drew numbers to see who you were writing to. But now they just assign us emails and we draw addresses. Basically you email each other all year and spilling your guts about, well everything, and at the end of the year you find out who you’ve been writing. I think the idea is to help us learn how to keep in touch when we leave for college?” he asked looking back at Ms. Ander who nodded. 

“That is exactly right,”she told him, turning to grab a small bucket off her desk and holding it out for Conner. “Kon, why don’t you draw the first name? They you can take the seat next to Bart.” She held the bucket up to him and he stuck his hand in, taking a paper from right off the top and rushing to go sit down. 

Ms. Ander started calling Bart’s row up one seat at a time and the tall, dark boy in front of him turned around with a kind smile. “Hero Cruz,” he told him, offering a hand his way. “I swear Ander is the only teacher that will make you do that. She’s pretty excitable, but everyone likes her well enough.” 

He shook his hand. “Thanks,” he offered not really knowing what to say, but fortunately it was Hero’s turn to head up to the desk and draw his email address. The rest of the class went by quickly, they spent at least half of it making sure everyone could log into their email accounts and make sure that it was up and running before finally going over the book they had been reaching for the past month. 

“Remember!” Ms. Ander said as the bell rang, “You can personalize your email however you want-- but please make sure to stay anonymous!” 

Kon gathered up his things and made his way back into the hallway, surprised when he heard his name being called. He stopped and looked back to see Hero making his way through the crowd toward him. 

“Kon, hold up a second.” He grinned at him. “Come eat with lunch at my table, keep you from standing around scanning the scene.” Hero clapped him on the shoulder as he led him to the cafeteria with a hand on his back. He tried not to pay attention to it, but Hero had a large hand, sending heat down his spine. He was relieved when they reached the table and he could sit down. He tried to put his brain back in order while Hero went around the table introducing everyone. It was apparent in an instant that this was the ‘cool’ table. Everyone in the cafeteria was watching them and Conner couldn't say he didn't see why. They were jocks. Built huge like football players, thought Conner couldn't really see Gotham Academy being a football kind of school. 

“You look like a jock,” the only girl at the table said. He thought he name was Lindsay, but he wasn't sure enough to actually say it. 

“I, uh, played football back in Smallville.”

An amused smile pulled at her face making her look stuck up and annoyingly pretty. “Smallville?” she asked. “Is that even a real place?” 

“It's in Kansas,” he said trying hard not to be defensive about it. 

“Makes sense,” the tall blond guy with a pompadour who was sitting next to him said. Bryon? Byron? He couldn't remember. “All-American States are big into football. What did you play?” 

He blinked. “Wide receiver.” 

Byron, or at least he was pretty sure, grinned. “You’re fast then.” He looked over to Hero, “We could need fast with Wayne gone.”

“Dude, that was two years ago.” Yet another blond flipping lazily through a textbook said. He looked even snootier than Lindsay had. 

“You weren't on the team yet.” Byron told him, hitting his arm. “Man. He could run-”

“You ever play Lacrosse?” Hero asked him, rolling his eyes like this was a normal topic of conversation. Kon shook his head and spent the rest of the lunch hour getting a lecture on why Lacrosse was the superior sport and was only released when he promised to come by practice the next day. 

 

**-**

 

Jon talked a mile a minute all the way home, practically jumping as he told Conner all about his new school. He got on the subway with the same ease that their father had and just as easily they were back at their building, the doorman giving them a wide smile as he let them in. Their dad was unpacking the living room when they got in and his smile took over the entire room. “There you guys are!” he sighed and fell into the couch like he was exhausted. “How was your first day?” 

Jon talked so long that Conner didn’t think there could be any air left in him. They helped their dad finish with the living room as Jon told them about his teachers and he moved onto all of his new friends when they moved on to the kitchen to start on dinner. He had finally run out of things to talk about when their mom got home, but the non-stop talking was started anew when she started yelling them about the new job. Conner watched them, his family that all fit together so perfectly, and wondered, not for the first time, if he had been adopted. He knew of course that he couldn’t have been. He’d seen the pictures and he looked too much like his father for it to be otherwise- but he couldn’t help but notice how perfectly they fit together without him. And then he wondered if he really fit in anywhere at all. 

He dropped his backpack on the desk in his room and booted up his computer, pulling out the mountain of homework that he had, already feeling like he was drowning. He signed into his school account, surprised to see that he already had an email in his inbox. He opened it and found a link connecting him to the ‘Pen Pal Project’ inbox. He opened it and signed in, immediately changing his credentials to something that felt less robotic. The inbox pinged and he saw to some surprise that he already had a message with the subject line of, ‘ _ Hello I guess. _ ’ 

He read it over a couple times and had no idea what to say back. He typed out a reply and erased it. And then another and erased it again. He thought about trying to sound smart and well-read and then he wondered why he was even bothering. He had just erased his third attempt when there was a knock on his door and his dad stuck his head through the door. “Hey kiddo, got a minute?” he asked. 

Conner minimized the email and nodded. “Sure Pa,” he told him waving his hand in. 

His dad walked in, leaving the door open as he sat on his bed and Connor swiveled his chair around to look at him. “You were pretty quiet at dinner.” he said, “And you never told me how your first day went.” 

“It was good,” he said to his hands hoping that he was imagining just how high his voice had gotten. 

“Good?” he dad repeated, and the tone of his voice made Conner look up and smile guiltily at him. 

“It was weird.” he admitted, looking at his hands again. “But not bad, weird.” 

“That’s good,” Clark muttered and nodded, crossing his arms as he stood up. “I know that this isn’t how you wanted to spend your senior year, Kon. I’m sorry. Your mother and I talked this all through a hundred times and we know that this isn’t exactly fair to you.” He reached out and squeezed his shoulder. “You’re allowed to be mad at us. If you want,” he added and they both smirked at each other. “Just talk to me when you are. And when you aren’t. About anything, okay?” 

He tried to laugh it off but his dad didn’t know just how close to home he'd hit. Or did he. He waited for just minute too long to see if he would say anything- but then the silence turned to confusion and he backed out of it. “Sure, Pa. Of course,” Kon told him and Clark left confused. 

Conner stared at the closed door for a few minutes wondering how long he could stay there before he would explode. He remembered listening to some podcast talk about spontaneous human combustion once. About how they were positive that there had to be an internal source of ignition but not one could even figure out what could cause that kind of friction. 

He opened his email. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**To** : DonDiegoVega@gothamacademypp.com

**From** : BlueSuede@gothamacademypp.com

**Subject** :  _ I might be dying.  _

 

_ I’m pretty sure that I’m about to catch on fire. Like all my organs are rubbing together and chafing each other just trying to make some kind of spark that will set me off. And I can’t stop it, cause the only way to stop is to tell people things that aren’t for them to know. Because maybe I don’t want to tell people I’m gay. Or maybe I really do, but I just don’t want it to be a big deal. And why is there no in between feeling.  _

_ I have a family, or I guess they have me. But I always feel like I’m watching them instead of actually being apart of them and I know that if I just stopped lying then maybe I could be-- but I can't. Do you ever feel like that? _

_ Anyway, if you have any advice on how to settle the smoke in my gut please tell me. And I’m glad your not my father… otherwise you would never know.  _

_ Moody Blue _

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  


 

**\---**

 

He stared at the screen. He'd gotten the alert for a new email after dinner and had put off reading it until he'd finished his essay for history. Now he was glad he'd waited. Gay. They were gay. There was something about the way they wrote that made him pretty sure it was a guy. There weren't any gay people at the Academy. Of course, statistically there were. Tim was after all, but there were none that were out. A few years ago there was a rumor that one of Dick's friend's brothers was gay. He didn't even go to the school, but somehow that had been a huge scandal. It had been about when he'd figured out that he didn't feel that way about girls. Bart had whispered to him one night that he thought Cassie was cute. Even though he'd replied back with ‘yeah I guess, but it's Cassie,’ he'd thought about it for a long time after. He hadn't thought she was cute. Even though Tim had seen him snort soda out of his nose he still thought that Bart was cuter than Cassie. No boy at their school would agree. Bullies left Tim and Bart alone purely because of Cassie and the hope that they might have a chance with her. She'd left school with thick glasses and dark frizzy hair their eighth grade year and had come back blonde with boobs. He missed middle school Cassie sometimes. She was softer, didn't have to keep people's attention at bay because him and Bart had been the only one paying attention to her.  

“Hey Kitten, you busy?” 

He jolted and clicked to close the window. He wasn't quick enough and his mother's eyes had taken in the logo on the top. 

She smiled and asked, “Was that your pen pal?” 

“Uh yeah,” he replied, turning fully away from the computer. “I'm not busy.” 

“Oh good. I need to send some pics over to Theo. I was hoping you could help me?” She gave him a pleading smile and he sighed. 

“I guess.” 

“Don't sound so bummed,” she said tugging him from the chair. 

He laughed an exaggerated laugh and added and over-exuberant, “I guess!” 

“That's more like it.” She smiled as she looked over at him. He stepped closer and she bumped his hip. His mother had never been like Selina. He remembered that much about her. One of the only memories he had of her was her sitting in a chair across the room from him while he opened Christmas presents. She'd pat his back once when he hugged her, thanking her for the toy car. When his father had remarried, Dana had been more open with hugs, but she had only been with his father for a year and had still been warming up to him before the accident. So Selina and her tactile ways had been strange to him. He'd watched for months amazed by the easy way she moved around her family and showed her care. She had been careful around him at first. Jason had told him she had done the same thing with him, she didn't want to freak them out. But eventually she pulled him in for a hug most mornings before they left for school. It was her hugs that he sought out after nightmares, her hugs that he wanted when he was upset. She just knew when he needed that comfort. 

He picked up his camera off of her desk. He left it in her office most of the time. He hadn't used it for more than a few photos during birthdays in a while. He'd always liked pictures. He'd had boxes of Polaroids of his house, his toys and his father. They were blurry and taken with the care that a six year old gave the thing that whirred and clicked when they pressed the button. He didn't know why his father had even kept them all. He'd gotten a new camera his first Christmas with the Waynes. Selina had been pushing him to keep taking photos. He loved being behind the camera, loved looking for those little details and capturing them forever. But it was another thing that set him apart.

She draped the ruby necklace around her neck and made a face at him. He snapped the photo. 

“Kitten! Delete that.” 

“I think this is the one,” he teased. He showed her the photo with her puffed out cheeks and crossed eyes. He adjusted a few settings while she complained about nonsense. He lifted the camera to his eye. “Say cheese.” 

It didn't take long for him to get the photo that she was going to pick, but he kept going for a few minutes. He knew when she knew that she was done too because her poses became more ridiculous. She leaned back, arms on her hips and neck extended at an odd angle. “I am high fashion, no?” 

“You look like a lawn chair.” She barked out a laugh pushing him before looking at the picture. 

“I do,” she admitted with a laugh. She picked the photo he knew she'd pick. 

“You could do a few more of these for me on the weekend if you wanted. It would save me having to go downtown.” 

“Maybe. Bart and I might go to a movie.” She looked disappointed, but he knew she wouldn't push. 

“Okay, let me know. It's pretty late. No staying up to write back to your penpal. Okay?” he nodded and she smacked a kiss on his cheek. “I love you. Now off to bed.” 

“Love you too,” he mumbled. 

He looked at his computer, but didn't touch it when he got back. Instead he grabbed his pajamas and headed to the bathroom. 

Bruce checked in on him half an hour later. He was in bed texting Bart about their psychology teacher when the knock came. The door opened a second later. 

“Hey. You all good?” 

“Yeah. I'm good.” 

“Okay,” Bruce offered. He ruffled his hair and pressed a kiss to the top of his head before tapping the bedside table, signaling that the phone needed to be put down. He sent a goodnight to Bart and set it down. “Goodnight.”

“Night,” Tim mirrored with a yawn. 

 

**-**

 

He woke up and immediately knew what he was going to say. He pulled on his uniform and started typing. He'd miss breakfast, but he had to get it out before he lost his thoughts. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**To:** BlueSuede@gothamacademypp.com

**From:** Dondiegovega@gothamacademypp.com

**Subject:** _Don't die. I need to pass._

 

_ Human spontaneous combustion is a myth. I saw it on Mythbusters. So you at least don't have to worry about LITERALLY catching on fire.  _

_ But really. I know how you feel maybe too closely.  _

_ My problem is that I don't actually belong with my family. I don't fit. I'm not exceptionally good at anything. I'm not crazy smart or good at sports like my brother. I'm just as average as you can get at our school. And I know that's enough for them, and I know that they love me. I just can't figure out why. But I can't ask them that. They wouldn't understand that I just want to know the why. The why of everything is the most interesting part.  _

_ Like why did two gay kids get paired up in a completely random selection process. Like the odds of that are insane. Part of me wants to do that math.  _

_ You know that's the first time I've ever actually said(typed) that? Not the math part. The gay part.  _

_ I have no advice. Ever. I'm not very good at doing things. My friend likes to tell me that I survive off of pure luck. My life doesn't feel lucky.  _

_ Maybe a little lucky getting paired with you though.  _

_ Ugh. The little tyrant is shouting at me. I've got to go.  _

_ -Vega _

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

**\---**

 

He didn’t sleep at all that night. He tried, keeping his eyes very pointedly shut for a good thirty minutes at a time but he couldn’t turn his brain off long enough to quell the panic that was trying to overtake him. It hadn’t been late when he sent his message. Sure Conner knew that this was a stupid school project and not everyone was going to jump every time they got an email- but he also thought that when a person came out in an emotional melt down to a complete stranger, that it was something that deserved an immediate response. He groaned and pulled his pillow over his face wishing that he could just hack into Vega’s email and erase it. Try again when he wasn’t being such a psycho. But it was too late for that. He thought about calling the office and seeing if they could delete it for him. It was possible. It was a school account after all, he was sure that if he just went into the office and explained… but how could he explain? “I accidently came out to a complete stranger- you have to help me get my email back before--” Nothing happens. 

Conner rolled out of bed the next morning drenched in stress sweat and feeling like he really had died. His mom gave him a look when he passed her on the way to the bathroom with a little wrinkle of her nose at the stench which caused Conner to stay in the shower for a extra five minutes with the heat turned up all the way. He was pink when he finally let Jon in, earning a rare glare as he ran to the toilet practically skipping for relief. 

He picked at his breakfast feeling like he might throw up and wondering just how much begging it would take for the nice secretary in the front office to delete his account. But before he could tell his dad that he had to get going, his phone went off and Conner just barely managed to stay in his seat. He opened his email under the table and read through it twice, heart kicking into overdrive. Two gay kids. This assignment just got a whole lot more interesting.

“Uh, uh, uh.” his dad said snagging his phone out of his hand, “No phones at the table.” he chided and and thankfully clicked off the screen. 

“Pa-” Conner whined but Clark wasn't having it. 

“Rules are rules.” He shrugged moving to get up and put it on top of the fridge like he always did but his mother, god bless his mother, grabbed his arm. 

“It’s his first time taking Jon to school without you,” she said quietly looking up at him and Clark thought it for the tensest moment of Connor's life before he sat back down and reluctantly handed it back over. 

“Next time it goes on the fridge,” he warned him pointedly. 

“Yes sir.” Conner muttered and put it back in his pocket. 

 

**-**

 

They missed the first subway after Conner turned down the wrong street for the second time and had to wait fifteen minutes for the next one to come by. By the time he got Jon onto the stoop of his school he was very late, running to try and beat the bell. He just made the first bell, tearing open the door and counting his blessings too soon. He ran headlong into a tall blond girl who was rushing by seeming to be late for her own class. She let out a fluid string of curses as they toppled over each other. 

“What the fuck are you-” she started from under Conner who immediately shoved himself up and off of her, face painted a wicked shade of red. She blinked at him and stopped short. 

“I’m sorry,” he told her. “I am so sorry,” he said again and again as he pulled her up so that they were both sitting in their little circle of fallen books and papers. “I got lost and was running late and I had to drop my brother off four blocks over and I just wasn’t looking-” 

The girl put a hand over his mouth and he blinked at her, “Breathe,” she told him with a very bossy pointed look. He took a breath, not realising that his shoulders were up by his ears until they started coming back down. The color drained out of his face and she smiled at him, displaying two rows of very straight teeth. “Are you good?” She asked. He nodded and she let him go. 

“I’m sorry,” he said one more time in a sigh as they started gathering their books. 

“Sorry is a weird name,” she teased and grinned when he rolled his eyes at her. They stood up, books back in their bags and she held out her hand. “Cassie,” she offered. 

“Kon,” he told her, smiling back at her, unable to help it. 

“You're that new guy from Smallville, right?” she asked as the bell rang and they both looked up at the ceiling. Conner felt misery setting in but Cassie didn’t seem bothered in the slightest at the prospect of being late. “See you around Kon,” she said and winked at him before turning the other way as the red settled back onto his cheeks. 

 

**-**

 

He dodged Hero at lunch and made his way to the library, happy to see that it was empty as he sat down at the most private computer cubicle he could find. He looked around before opening his email, the only other people in the library being the two Librarians quietly chatting in the door of the office so far off that he couldn’t hear them laughing. He took out a text book and opened it, pretending to flip to their current chapter to look something up before he opened his email and hit reply to Vega’s message. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**To:** DonDiegoVega@gothamacademypp.com  

**From:** BlueSuede@gothamacademypp.com

**Subject:** _The Math Part._

 

_ Maybe it would be a good time to tell you that I was a mathlete. I mean it would be good if I actually was a mathlete. I'm not, but I  _ do _ really like math. So if there is roughly five hundred students in the GA senior class that all have to take part in the pen pal project.  _ _ Give or take the five whose parents sent a note saying that they didn’t want them to participate and the twenty kids that just won’t do it-- and then just throw that all way. Because even with all of the numbers and variables, the odds that we draw eather ar still .65%. There is a 99.35% chance against us ever having spoke to each other and we somehow beat that. And now here we are.  _

_ ……… _

Connor looked at that for a minute, his heart racing again just thinking about those odds. It was like it was meant to be-- and that was insane. Conner liked to think of himself as a practical person. His parents were dreamers. Jon was a dreamer. But Conner had always been the one that kept them in check. And now here he was thinking about fate like it was something he did every day- the most normal thing in the world. 

………

_ I’ve never told anyone either. About being gay. I’m pretty sure I’ve always known that I was gay, but before I learned that it wasn’t ‘the normal’ way to be before I knew to say anything to anyone. I had this plan that I would come out my senior year and that I would be this whole new cool person and if people didn’t like it, then I’d only have to deal with it for a a year and then I’d be gone. _

_ But then we moved and  _ /

………

The cursor blinked at him as he thought about the way his dad looked at him yesterday morning. So understanding like he had every part of him memorized. This was the chance for a new start. Vega didn’t know him. Cassie had known who he was this morning just by his name. He was sure that he was the only kid who had moved after the start of school and he didn’t want to blow this yet. 

Conner back spaced. 

………

_ It was just a lot harder than I thought.  _

_ I don’t think it’s supposed to be this hard. I’m pretty sure that being yourself is supposed to be the easiest thing that you do in your entire life. I wish they had told us that it sucked instead of making us sit through bull-crap sex ed classes.  _

_ Moody Blue _

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He hit send and logged out, packing up his bag when Hero came into the library making a bee line for him. “There you are!” He glared like he had been looking for him since class ended. “I’ve been looking for you since the bell rang,” he confirmed grabbing his arm and pulling him towards the door. “I told coach that I would grab you. You have Athletics this period, right?” He nodded and Hero pumped his arm. “Perfect! It’s varsity period too,” he explained and tugged him to the back of the school that led out to a well-kept field. 

There was still a scrimmage in session when they approached a tall and beautiful dark haired woman shouting plays out to the boys. “Coach!” Hero called surprising Conner. She turned around and grinned when she saw Hero dragging him over, blinding Conner with the radiance of it. If there had ever been any doubt in his mind that he might be gay, it was gone now. This had to be the most beautiful woman that he had ever seen and he felt nothing but extremely intimidated. 

“Ah,” Her voice was deep and pleasant. “You are Kon?”

He straightened his back and tried for a pleasant smile. “Yes ma'am,” he told her. “Conner Kent.” 

She by-passed his extended hand to put her hands on his shoulders and turn him around. “Strong,” she said to Hero like Conner wasn’t even there. “Goaltender?”

“That’s kind of a waste.” Hero muttered back. “He’s a football player. Wide receiver,” he told her as she spun him back around. 

Her eyes sparkled. “So you are fast?” She asked him this time.

“I, um. Yes ma'am,” he said decidedly. 

She nodded. “I sent a message to your teacher asking if I could steal you for this period to play a scrimmage with us. Go dress down and we will show you the ropes. See how you fit.” She nodded for Hero to lead him back to the locker room. Hero grabbed him a pair of the team's practice sweats and they changed. He stowed his stuff in an empty locker as the rest of the team piled in. Byron and Kindred knocked his fist and grinned at him as they walked back out to the field. They stretched and Hero gave him a quick rundown of the positions and equipment as the rest of the team made their way out. 

Coach Prince had them run sprints and do a quick lap around the field before she split them into pairs and let them throw a few tosses to get a little net work in before she started dividing them into teams. Conner was surprised when she put him out with Hero as an attacker thinking he would have a few games to watch first. But he did as he was told and followed Hero out. “Don’t freak.” Hero told him, poking him the with end of his net. “Just try to get the ball down the field and in the goal, no hands. Got it?” 

Conner was looking around at the regular Athletics mixed class that was now jogging around the field and nodded, trying not to swallow. “Yeah, sure. Cool,” he told him gripping his net. 

He managed to stay out of the way for the first couple of plays and even block a few passes from the other team without really meaning too. But toward the end of the scrimmage when he was tailing Byron who was playing for the other side he heard Hero shout, “Kent!” and caught the ball flying at him before he realised it. He stared at him for a second and then shook out of it with Coach Prince shouted for him to run. He ran, fast, jumping straight over a red headed defender who blinked shocked at him before he started bolting after him. He could hear people yelling at all sides but all he saw was the net and the next thing he knew he had chucked the ball toward the goalie and it was flying in. 

Hero collided with him and Coach Prince whistled and Byron caught up to them and laughed. “You  _ are _ fast!” he shouted into his ear and he heard a whistle from the side of the field. 

Cassie was cheering for him dressed in her work out gear next to Bart from his English class. “Way to go new kid!” she grinned at him and he beamed back with a wave thinking that this school might not be so bad after all.

 

**\---**

 

His phone chirped in the middle of his Calculus class. Mr. Holt didn't even look up from the problem on the board. He itched to check it, but as soon as he touched his phone Holt turned around and called on him. His fingers slid away from his phone and he stood. He slipped his phone under his textbook as he sat down after solving the problem and earning a ‘nice work’. They moved on and he slid his phone down until he could see the penpal notification on the screen. He glanced up to make sure that he hadn't been caught yet and opened the email. 

He snorted at the end. Their freshman year Bart had walked up to their table at lunch after watching  _ The Video _ and hadn't talked. He'd barely even touched his food. By the end of the day both Tim and Cassie understood their friend's horrified expression. Cassie had been taking a nursing class so she'd ended up watching it twice and said it was worse the second time. Still to this day Bart cringed when people talked about sex ed. 

He slid his phone back under when the girl next to him was called to the board. He spent the rest of class trying to focus on math, but he couldn't do much more than stare at his textbook like he would suddenly develop x-ray vision. 

He shoved into a restroom stall and pulled his phone out. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 **To:** BlueSuede@gothamacademypp.com

 **From:** Dondiegovega@gothamacademypp.com

**Subject:** _ The Sex Part _

 

_ I was forever scarred by my sex ed class. First time I'd seen a dick other than my own and it was covered in warts. My friend was convinced that if he had sex his penis would fall off. It was this whole thing. I think he might still be a little afraid of it, though he'd never admit that.  _

_ You're braver than me. I have never even thought of telling anyone. I'm not even sure why I told you. I guess my dad was right. Being anonymous really does make it easier to say things. He used to tell me the story about his Penpal all the time. I think his biggest hope was that I'd make a friend like he did.  _

_ I can't believe you beat me to doing the math. That was supposed to be my thing. I was even in math class when I got your email.  _

_ -Vega _

_ Ps. Elvis? Are you sure you're in High School?  _

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He found Bart after school standing by their normal table tapping his pen against the edge as he stared off to the side. 

“Where's Cassie? I thought we were going over to hers today.” 

“She's talking to that new kid.” 

He followed where Bart was pointing with his pen. Cassie was smiling as she listened to whatever was being said. He hadn't seen the new kid yet. He'd heard people talking about him in the halls. The Academy was a pretty closed community, most of the students had gone to school together for their entire lives. He was tall, and he could see the stretch of his shirt over his shoulders from where he was standing. Tim watched as he rubbed the back of his head and Cassie laughed. The flex of his arm made him want to take a picture of it just so he could keep it forever. 

“She just laughed,” he whispered like Bart wasn't watching the same thing. 

Bart groaned, “I know. He's like actually a really nice guy even if he's gotten sucked into the douche patrol.” They watched as Byron walked up and Cassie's smile dropped off her face. She listened to him for a moment before turning to the new kid and saying something to him before walking off. She met their eyes and mimed gagging as she crossed the grounds. Bart snickered. He didn't dare. Byron's eyes landed on them and they narrowed. 

“We should go,” he told Bart grabbing their bags. Cassie took hers from him when he held it out to her. 

“What took you so long?” she asked as they climbed into Bart's car. Technically it was his cousin's but he was away at school so Bart swiped it most days. 

“I was replying to my penpal.”

“Yours responded?” Bart asked, backing out of the spot with a jerk. 

“Yeah. Yours hasn't?” 

He listened to Bart complain and Cassie talk about how weird it was to write to a stranger. He stayed quiet. He didn't know how to tell them that he actually looked forward to getting those emails without telling them why. They both had only sent one email, he had just sent his second of the day. 

A few hours later his phone chirped and he jumped to look at it. He been hoping for another email, but it was just Dick telling him he was turning into the neighborhood. He shoved his books into his bag, said goodbye to Cassie who was half asleep as she watched some reality show, and stole Bart's soda as he passed him. He earned a disgruntled shout then a belated ‘goodnight!’

Dick smiled brightly when he slid into the passenger's seat. He nodded and looked out the window. Dick was quiet for a moment before pulling out of the driveway. A few minutes later Dick started talking about his day. Tim knew that he was trying, and he should let go of the past, but he couldn't. Tim had just found out his dad was dead, he'd been placed in a house with strangers, and he wasn't sleeping. The last time he'd gone to sleep he'd woken up to the police knocking on his door. Even though they'd told him that he could he hadn't wanted to bother Bruce or Selina so he'd wandered the halls and found Dick in the living room with the TV on. He had called out to him from the doorway and Dick had jolted up and hissed at him to get out. He'd run and hid under the covers of his bed until he'd finally passed out. He didn't think Dick remembered the moment, but it had stuck with him. He'd made an effort to stay out of the eldest Wayne's way after that. Jason had listened to his shaky retelling of that night and had laughed it off, stating that Dick was the biggest pushover ever. He couldn't believe that and by the time he'd started to feel comfortable at the manor Dick had graduated and moved into the dorms. 

Their parents were standing in the kitchen when they got back. Bruce was wiping a stripe of chocolate off his face and Selina was grinning with a bowl of ice cream in her hand. 

“Kitten! Snuggles!” Dick hung the keys up on the hooks by the door. “Oh sorry, greetings my oldest child who dislikes the nickname he's had for fourteen years.” 

“You used it in front of my  _ boss _ , now everyone is calling me Snuggles,” Dick whined. 

“Tim, did you eat?” Bruce called before he could escape up the backstairs. 

“Yeah, dad. Bart made lasagna. I've got homework to finish.” 

He hit Jason's contact and listened to it ring while staring at his ceiling. 

“It's ya Boi's voicemail. Leave a message. Or don't.” he could hear his own laughter echoing in the background of the recording. He hung up before the beep. Jason hadn't answered any of his texts that day or the last few. He rolled over and dropped his phone on his table. This year sucked. He closed his eyes and turned off the light. When his door creaked open he pretended to be asleep. He didn't want to talk about his day or tell Bruce that he was fine. He wanted to wallow in the loneliness. As he fell asleep he heard his phone rumble against the table top.

 

**\---**

 

“I didn’t take you for the idiot type.” He jumped a little startled when Cassie came up behind him in the hall and she grinned at him all too knowing. 

“The idiot type?” he asked pulling his backpack back into place on his shoulder. 

“The jock type,” she amended and looked over his shoulder where Hero and Byron were watching Marx chug a chocolate milk. His face was a little redder when they turned back around. “I mean, I guess I’m not surprised because your whole-” she circled her hand over his chest and grinned again, “Aesthetic.” She cleared her throat, her own cheeks turning a light shade of pink. 

Oh no. There is was, the little hint of a crush peeking through her cool aesthetic . Conner knew that nothing could come out of it, but he also didn’t want to alienate one of the only people he had met who was actually nice. “Well you know Smallville,” he shrugged knowing full well that she did not know anything about Smallville- half of Kansas didn’t know about Smallville. “All they have is corn and football. You have to like one or the other and corn always gets stuck in my teeth so…” he finished lamely, hand absently going up to the newly shaven back of his head. Cassie laughed anyway and Conner’s heart sank deeper as Byron snuck up behind him. 

He swung his arm over Conner’s shoulders and smirked at Cassie like he did it everyday, “Hey Cassie. See you met my boy Kent.” 

Her eyes hardened, “Unfortunately he charmed me before I knew you were lovers,” she told him. 

Conner’s face flamed as Byron said, “I… what?” 

Cassie laughed and turned back to Conner. “I’ll see you tomorrow?” She asked, not waiting for his response before heading back to the table with Bart and a small dark haired boy that he hadn’t met before. 

Byron whistled, eyes glued to her ass as she walked off and pulled Conner back towards their group. “How the hell did you already make nice with the hottest girl in school?” he demanded. 

He shrugged, effectively shaking his arm off. “I ran into her this morning and we talked for a minute.” he explained. “She’s really nice-”

“-and a hot piece of ass.”  

He stopped and Byron turned the gross smile still on him. “Don’t talk about her like that,” Conner told him and the smirk slid right off his face as Hero broke up their huddle. 

“You coming, Kent?” he asked like he should know where he meant. “Coffee shop down the street,” he explained as the stupid look on Kon's face but he shook his head. 

“I’ve got to grab my little brother,” he told them and they waved him off saying they would see him at practice the next day. 

Jon was already waiting on the stoop when he got there, lighting up when Conner waved at him and said a quick goodbye to his friends. 

“You are on the lacrosse team?!” he demanded shaking his arm. 

Conner blinked at him. “How do you know that?” he asked. “That literally just happened today.” 

“Millie told me,” he said like Conner should have known that. They started down the street to their subway stop. “Her brother is on the team. They all said that you are really good! Mom is gonna freak out!” He talked about it the entire way home, trying to get Kon to agree to let him break the news to their parents. But even though Jon agreed, he just couldn’t help himself. 

When they found their dad working on the laptop at the kitchen table he looked up with the same big smile as always and he asked, “How was your day?” Jon just about exploded. 

“Kon made the lacrosse team!” he squealed and looked at his brother in guilt but Conner smirked and rolled his eyes. 

Clark on the other hand blinked, his proudest and most blinding dad smile making the room almost unbearable to be in. “Did you really?” he asked. 

Conner nodded and looked down at his shoes, “I mean… yeah.” he said and poked at the table with his toe. “I met a few guys on the team and they told the coach about me. How I played wide. It’s not a big de-” He was cut off when his dad hugged him so hard around the middle that he could barely breathe. Heat spread over his face for probably the fifth time that day but he also couldn’t help the little trickle of warmth in his chest and hugged Clark back. 

“That is so great, kiddo.” he told him shutting the computer and going straight to the kitchen. “We’ll celebrate tonight! Pot Roast?” he asked knowing it was Connor's favorite. 

He smiled, “Yeah, sounds good.” he said and Jon ran excitedly down the hall to put up his backpack. 

Conner ducked into his bedroom and dropped his bag next to his desk, listening to Jon run back to the kitchen to help their dad. He booted up his computer and typed in his student login, grinning when he saw that Vega had already written him back. He got up and walked quietly to the cracked door pushing it shut slowly, holding his breath as he waited for the sound of anyone walking down the hall. When no noise came, he went back to his computer and opened the unread message. He grinned thinking about the horrible wart covered images that had been scarred into his own mind and pushed down on the new warmth that hit him thinking about Vega calling him brave. He had a lot he wanted to say until he got to the end and then the entire message changed. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**To:** DonDiegoVega@gothamacademypp.com  

**From:** BlueSuede@gothamacademypp.com

**Subject:** _They don’t call him the KING for nothing_

 

_ I hate you. I had so much more to say about how awful sex ed is and then you had to go an diss me about Elvis. He is literally the King of Rock. None of this poppy-indie-techno weirdness would even exist without Elvis paving the way with his dope tracks.  _

_ I promise you that was the first time that I have ever said dope. And it will now be the last time. Please forget that this was ever typed.  _

_ But seriously, only sad and depraved people don’t like or know Elvis. My parents raised me on all of the classics. Elvis, Sam Cooke, Blue Suede, Marvin Gaye, Dion. All of the music that is made for your soul to respond to-- well my soul responded and modern music has been ruined for me forever.  _

_ Please, Vega, do not tell me that you are one of the depraved souls that listens to the, “booties” hitting the floor.  _

_ Moody Blue _

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He smiled through his homework and he couldn't manage to drop it as they ate dinner and his parents gushed their pride onto him. If they suspected it was anything other than making the team, they never said. 

 

**-**

 

He was surprised to find Cassie waiting for him outside of the subway stop, a cup of coffee in each hand as he pulled Jon up the stairs. “I didn’t want you to get lost again.” She told him and then she seemed to think about how weird this might look and added, “You said you took this subway and this was the closest stop to the middle school. I swear I’m not a creepy weirdo- I’m just saving other girls from having to be plowed to the ground by you.”

He smiled at her over the coffee, the little ramble giving Conner the inkling that she hadn’t always been this cool, collected beauty. It was endearing and he liked her instantly that much more. “So you are just doing your civic duty,” he nodded as if this could only be expected. 

She nodded, relieved. “Yes of course.” 

He sighed in mock heaviness. “Then it cannot be helped.” Jon tugged on his sleeve and he looked down at him, smirking at the way he was staring at Cassie. “This is my little brother Jon.” He said pulling him forward so that he was in front of him. “Jon this is my friend Cassie.” 

“You are friends with Kon?” he asked her. 

She looked pleased at the words and nodded amused. “I suppose so.” 

“Why?” he asked and she laughed, a real one this time. He continued to bombard her with questions all the way to the school steps including what her favorite Star Wars movie was, and why she smelled like cake. He waved cheerfully pointedly saying bye just to her as he popped inside the school. 

“He’s probably the cutest kid that I’ve ever seen,” she said as they headed towards their own school. 

“Don’t let him fool you,” Conner warned. “If you had chosen any of the prequels as your favorite starwars movie, he would have given you an hour long lecture of why you are wrong. Or worse- made you watch all of the movies with him.” 

She smiled a little, “That doesn’t sound so bad,” she said softly. “I was actually going to ask if you wanted to come by this weekend anyway. My mom is out of town and I don’t feel like hanging out by myself. We could even watch Star Wars.”

“Well I would never dream of letting you hand out by yourself.” He laughed taking a sip of his overly sweetened coffee to be polite. “Who all is coming?”

 

**\---**

 

“I fucked up,” Cassie said sliding down into the seat next to him. They only had art history together this year. She had been planning on changing since she didn't want to break her streak of not having her aunt for any classes. It had taken the entire first day of school to get her to agree to stay. 

“You have such a way with words,” he deadpanned. She ran a hand through her hair, shaking out her wind blown curls and rolled her eyes at him. “What did you do?” 

“I asked Kon, the new kid, out. But he didn't notice?” She made a face that reminded him of their younger days. “I invited him over this weekend and he asked who else would be there. I panicked and told him you guys were coming. Bart is going to say no if I ask and he finds out why. I said we could watch Star Wars.” Her voice got really small. 

Diana walked in and smiled at the class before pulling down the screen at the front of the room. 

“I'm not watching Star Wars,” he mumbled to Cassie as Diana started talking about Titian. 

She smiled and whispered, “Okay. We'll watch whatever you want.” 

“Miss Sandsmark did you have something to add to the discussion?” 

“What?” Cassie blurted. “Oh no. You're doing great.” The class snickered and Diana frowned. 

“Why don't you tell me what you think about Bacchus and Ariadne?” Cassie sighed and started talking. After a few minutes Diana moved on to one of the girls in the front. 

“This is why I wanted to switch,” Cassie whispered to him.

 

  **-**

 

He kept trying to reply, but it took until lunch for him to find the time. He squirreled away in a stairwell and pulled out his phone. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**To** : BlueSuede@gothamacademypp.com

**From** : Dondiegovega@gothamacademypp.com

**Subject** :  _ They also call a fast food mascot the King _

 

_ I believe since you're a middle aged man posing as a high schooler that it is highly unlikely you've ever used “dope”. Am I in an episode of 21 Jump Street? Are you going to try and get me to out the guy dealing drugs out of his locker during second period. Cause I'm not cool enough to have that kind of knowledge.  _

_ My mom liked Marvin Gaye. _

_............ _

He paused. He hadn't talked about his mom in a long time. Tim remembered her listening to the crooning music as she read at night. He'd stand outside the library door listening to her hum along barely audible over the scratch of the record player. He had a box in his closet of her records. He bet Blue would enjoy them. 

............

_ My mom liked Marvin Gaye. Speaking of… Sexual Healing should have been the background music for The Video. It would have made it so much more tolerable. _

_ No, sir, (I called you sir out of respect since you're a senior citizen) I don't listen to ‘booty’ songs. I won't make fun of your Elvis obsession anymore if you don't make fun of me… I love movie soundtracks? I own some soundtracks and haven't even seen the movie. And I have an entire Playlist on my phone that is just tv show theme songs. It's over 100 songs long at this point. My friends don't ever let me pick the music.  _

_ They always let me pick the movies though.  _

_ -Vega _

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bart whined the entire way to Cassie's. She insisted they come over at lunch so that Kon didn't get the wrong idea if he got there early. She was freaking out. His phone hadn't stopped going off since he woke up. He couldn't remember the last time that she'd been like this. She'd dated and had had crushes, but most of the time they were the ones that asked her out and she just had to say yes. Of course the first guy she'd asked out in over a year hadn't realized she was asking him out. 

**CS** : I think I bought too many chips. What if he thinks I'm trying too hard?

**TW** : How many chips did you buy?

**CS** : Ten bags? And a tube of Pringles. 

**TD** : We'll just keep him out of the kitchen. 

**CS** : I shoved them all in the pantry. 

**CS** : Did you bring your movies? 

**TD** : Cassie. You want to sit down and breathe for a few minutes? We're almost there. 

He sighed and Bart looked over to him. “She really likes this guy.” 

“Sara called him dreamy and Jasmine said something about him being meat? Honestly I stopped listening. So I don't think she's the only one.” 

Bart pulled into the driveway and Cassie threw open the door. “I don't have drinks!” 

Ten minutes later they were at the convenience store down the street trying to get Cassie to decide on just two flavors. She finally picked her two 12 packs and Tim bought the 20oz bottles of the others that she'd been staring at. Bart walked out with a bag of chips and a laugh. 

They were arguing over who would win in a battle between Dumbledore and Gandalf when the doorbell rang. Cassie jumped up. She stared at them with wide eyes. 

“Cassie?” 

“I'll get it,” Bart offered. 

“No!” Cassie shrieked shoving Bart back onto the couch. 

He turned to watch her walk over to the door, fidget with her hair and take a deep breath. 

“Oh my god. Answer the door already,” Bart called. Cassie flipped him off as she pulled open the door, her arm still extended back to them. 

“Uh hi,” he heard. Cassie's arm dropped. 

“Hi. Hi. Come in.” 

“I heard a scream. Everything okay?” 

“That was Bart. He's an idiot.” Bart frowned at her. “He said you had English together?” After a nod Cassie pointed to him, “This is Tim. Our rock and our glue.” She hugged his head, squishing his cheeks together as he mumbled his discomfort. 

“Hi. I'm Kon,” he offered with an awkward wave. 

“So we're watching Lord of the Rings instead if that's okay?” 

Cassie had spent an hour going back and forth on her decision on where to sit. Bart and Tim moving when she shoved him out of their spots. Her smile froze when Kon sat down next to Bart. Cassie settled next to Tim. 

They all talked through the first movie giving Conner the distinctive impression that had seen it several times and discussed it often. He was glad that he wasn’t really required to join in the conversation seeing as they were mostly talking at him, saying all of these crazy facts about filming that he had never heard. It was like they had the commentary on. When the credits rolled Cassie asked if anyone was thirsty, pushing Conner back down by his shoulders when he offered to go with her to the kitchen and dragging Bart off instead, leaving Conner alone with Tim who was changing out the disc. 

He turned back to face him awkwardly as the menu loaded, his hands in his pockets and his lips pursed uncomfortably like he wasn’t really stoked that Conner was there. He understood. It was awkward. He felt awkward. And he knew it was about to get so much worse so he decided he should just come out and say it. “Can I… tell you something?” he asked. 

Tim tilted his head eyebrows bunching in ever so slightly, looking so much like a cat that Conner almost told him that. “Sure.” 

“I’ve, uh, only seen the first one.” He said pointing at the screen. 

Tim was shocked. Like, visibly disturbed at this news. His shoulders fell and his mouth popped open as he demanded, “What?” 

Conner shrugged, his face heating a little but he couldn’t help but smile a little at Tim’s reaction. He was cute. “I lived in Smallville my whole life. It’s kind of a conservative town. The first one came to the drive in, but with all the magic-” he twirled his finger in the air, “They wouldn’t bring in the rest of them. Wouldn’t even put it in the rental store.” 

“That is actually insane.” Tim said walking back over to the couch and plopping down next to him. 

Conner laughed. “This is the same town that positioned to take Will and Grace off the air.” 

Tim smirked. “So that’s why it got canceled.” 

“My ma was furious.” 

Cassie and Bart came back in then when a couple of soda cans and a few bags of chips. She gave Tim a look that Kon didn’t understand and he suddenly forgot that he left the remote on the other side of the coffee table and scooted over to get it. She took the empty seat next to Kon and smiled as she passed him a coke asking if they were all ready for the masterpiece that was the Two Towers. Conner thought that Tim was going to rat him out, but instead he just hit play and told them they all needed to shut up and actually watch this one. 

Conner liked Cassie, Tim and Bart. They were much easier to be around than the Lacrosse guys, like they didn’t put too much weight into what was cool they were just… them. And it was fun. Eventually when Conner jumped at Treebeard the secret was out that he had never seen the entire series and they paused it and proceeded to lose their minds at him for twenty minutes. They all looked at him when it ended like they were testing him to see of he was a keeper but he just got up to change the disc, needing to see how it ended. 

“So, Frodo just… died?” he asked as the credits rolled. “After all of that, he chose to pass on?” 

“Yeah, he couldn’t live that life anymore,” Tim said like it should have been obvious. “After all the things he had seen, he knew that he had to leave middle earth. He just didn't belong there. And he didn’t die-” 

“Yeah he did, dude,” Bart said through a mouthful of pringles. “Bilbo went too. That guy is ancient.”

“He’s a hundred and fifteen,” Cassie piped up, getting up to turn the lights on. “And just because Bilbo went doesn’t mean that they were going to die. They just wanted to go somewhere-”

“Regardless!” Tim cut in and looked back at Conner, “Over all, what did you think?”

They all turned to him and Conner shook his head and laughed. “It was… The costumes, the acting- the music!” He shook his head again. “I loved it.” Tim beamed at him and his heart clenched in his chest. He hadn’t realized just how beautiful he really was until right then but the others cheered and pulled him back to the present. 

“You passed,” Cassie sighed pleased as she fell back down and put her head on Conner’s shoulder. “That means you can be our friend,” and they all started chanting ‘One of us!’ at him until he agreed. 

 

**-**

 

Conner quickly started falling into a schedule. He would wake up in the morning and send Vega an email, go to school, Lacrosse practice, and then come home and write Vega again about whatever they were currently talking about. The topics were always changing and the flow never seemed to stop. One minute they would be talking about movies or some stupid board game his family used to play when he was a kid and then they would wander over to politics and genetic research or places they wanted to go. He knew that Vega was afraid of driving and that he slept with a nightlight to this very day because the idea of what was in the dark was so much worse than seeing it coming. He knew he hated but also loved horror movies. He knew that he felt like a stranger in his own home and how sometimes even being with his friends made him feel like an alien. And in return Vega knew that Connor could play the ukulele and that he like writing stupid songs. He knew that he loved brussel sprouts and hated heights more than just about anything. He knew that Conner wanted to own his own record shop and that he was afraid of having to be out in the world on his own. Conner had told him more than he had ever told anyone about anything and he was pretty sure that Vega knew almost everything about him… except one very important thing. 

He stared at the end of his email, the cursor blinking at the end of his signature and his heart pounding as he dragged the mouse up to hit send before he could stop himself. He turned his computer off and grabbed his jacket having promised he’d meet Cassie and the boys at the bowling alley in twenty minutes. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**To:** DonDiegoVega@gothamacademypp.com  

**From:** BlueSuede@gothamacademypp.com

**Subject:** _Hear me out._

 

_ So I know this is crazy and I want you to hear me out before you tell me it’s a bad idea. But this assignment, being paired with you, it might be the best thing that has ever happened to me. I feel like myself when I’m talking to you. And that’s crazy cause I’ve never really actually talked to you.  _

_ I want to meet, like for real.  _

_ Please don’t say no.  _

_ Love, Blue _

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

**\---**

 

His butt was frozen. He was pretty sure it was going to fall off when the game ended and they stood. He hadn't thought about the fact that it had snowed that morning and the lacrosse games were outside when he agreed to tag along. Cassie was curled into Bart's side. He had always run warmer than either of them. She had been cheering at the beginning, but hadn't done much more than shout and shake her hand in the air since the chill started settling in. He watched the game, but most of his attention was on his response to Blue. He tried to respond right after school, but with each added hang out with Kon they were getting later and later. Some days it was the last thing he did before he went to sleep. Cassie and Bart had given up on trying to figure out who his Pen Pal was. They didn't believe him that he still didn't know. He didn't know if he would have believed him either if he was in their shoes. They talked everyday, on the weekends they responded to each other throughout the day. 

The final whistle blew and Cassie dragged them down to the field. He shoved his phone in his pocket. Cassie waved and yelled for Kon. He came over to them with a huge smile on his face. They'd won and Cassie started talking about his game winning goal. Tim tuned her out. His attention was stuck on a bead of sweat as it trailed down the side of Kon's face along the cut of his jaw bone before dropping down his neck. Being friends with Kon was torture. He kept catching himself staring. On most days he could ignore the bubble in his stomach and just talk to him, but there were days when Kon did something particularly attractive and he was left smiling at him like an idiot. Like when he started a discussion with Bart about female led TV shows and ranted for almost the entire lunch period about Wendy. He swore he'd fallen in love listening to him. And that was the problem. He didn't think it was possible to love two people, and he already loved Blue. He was pretty sure he'd realized he'd loved him when Tim sent him an email in the middle of the night on the anniversary of his dad's death and he immediately replied. They talked for almost the whole night, and when his alarm went off in the morning he felt lighter than he had any of the last years.

“I'm starving,” Kon sighed during a lull in Cassie's praises. 

“We were going to go to Leon's.” That was news to him, and when he looked over to Bart he looked just as clueless. “You could come with us.” 

“Sure. I gotta change.” 

“We'll wait for you.” Cassie smiled brightly and Kon hesitated before nodding and heading back toward the building. 

“He has to be an idiot,” Bart mumbled. Cassie turned and glared at him. “How has he not noticed that you want to jump him?” She shoved him. 

“I don't want to jump him. And I'm fine with being his friend. He's fun to be around. Right?” Bart shrugged and she turned to Tim. 

“Yeah,” he agreed with a half-hearted shrug. 

Cassie wrapped Bart around her after a few minutes, she looked like she wanted to push him away when Kon started back toward them, but the cold had won. The pair walked ahead and Kon fell in next to him. 

“That tripping penalty was bull,” he commented. Kon looked surprised when he glanced over to him. “All of my brothers play lacrosse, my little brother is on the JV team. My dad played too.” 

“Why don't you play?” 

He laughed. “I tried. I was never very good, but I kept at it cause I got to hang out with my dad. Eventually my mom made me stop. It might have been because of the concussion after catching the ball with my face. But I can't be sure.” 

“That's good,” Kon laughed. He could watch him laughing forever. “Wouldn't want to mess that face up.”

“Hurry up you two!” Cassie yelled already in the passenger seat holding her hands over the vents even though there was no way they were blowing warm air yet. 

Kon jerked into a jog and he was left staring. What had he just said? 

“Tiiiiiiim,” Cassie whined. He slid into the back seat and spent the rest of the drive trying to convince himself that he'd been hallucinating. Conner was straight. He looked over to him where he was singing along to a cover Cassie was playing. He was. Right? 

 

**-**

 

He finished his response to Blue as they waited for their food. He'd tried to explain his thoughts on photography. He wasn't sure it made any sense, because it didn't make sense to him. But Blue had understood him better than anyone had ever before and was sure he'd understand. 

Kon was looking at him when he hit send. He offered him a smile. Tim always wanted to smile when he was around him. But so did the girl sitting next to him. Cassie bumped Kon as she asked a question and his attention moved to her. Tim let out a breath and with it tried to let go of this crush. Cassie meant too much to him and between them, he knew he'd lose. 

Bart was yelling at him as he jogged up the stairs to the manor door. He turned and yelled back at him to shut up when his phone chimed. He hadn't expected another response that night. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**To:** BlueSuede@gothamacademypp.com

**From** : Dondiegovega@gothamacademypp.com

**Subject** : _ (No Subject)  _

 

...........

Tim stared at the empty subject line. They had been trading quips in the subject line for months, but he couldn't do it this time. 

Blue wanted to meet him. And Tim…  He wanted to meet Blue too. But he couldn't.

He stared at the screen. He didn't know what to say. He couldn't explain why without revealing who he was. He couldn't agree. He couldn't. He closed out of the program and pushed away, spinning in the middle of the room. 

“Tim?” he opened his eyes to see his dad standing on the ceiling. Bruce had an odd look on his face. He spun around and looked at him. “What are you doing?” 

“Trying to think of how to tell my penpal that I can't tell them who I am without them getting mad at me.”

He was spun as Bruce moved to sit on his bed. “Why can't you?” 

He stared at his dad. He knew this was the moment, the universe had presented him with the opportunity, tell his dad, then meet Blue. Say those two words. Say them. 

“I don't know,” he mumbled. 

“I worried about telling your mom too. But she saw the real me. I'd been more truthful with her than I'd been with anyone before. And I think you're worried about that too, but who you are won't matter to her because she already knows you.” Bruce tapped his chest over his heart. 

“Yeah, Y-you're right.”

“Let me know how it goes.”

“Okay,” he mumbled weakly. 

He looked at his computer for a few minutes before turning and diving across his bed to grab his phone. 

**TW** : Have you ever noticed that all of Dad's advice boils down to Just Do It? 

He was surprised when his phone immediately chimed. He'd been expecting it to sit unanswered like the series of texts above it in the thread. 

**JW** : It's worked out well for him. Happily married, good job, me for a son.

**TW** : You know Cass is his favorite. 

**JW** : Because he can't tell any of us apart. You slightly taller boy come here. Small boy with the petrified expression go do that. 

**TW** : I don't look scared all the time. 

**JW** : But you admit you are the small one. 

**TW** : Damian is officially an inch taller than me now. He hit another growth spurt. Mom's been going on about him outgrowing his clothes too fast. 

**JW** : That's rough. 

**TW** : You have no idea. I opened the freezer yesterday and he asked me if I needed help reaching the ice. 

The string of laughing emojis that followed erupted into an all out emoji war until Selina came in and smacked a kiss on his head before tossing his phone on the table and pointedly telling him goodnight. He waited until he was sure that she'd gone to bed before sitting up. He looked at his computer. 

Just do it. 

Just. Do. It. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**To** : BlueSuede@gothamacademypp.com

**From** : Dondiegovega@gothamacademypp.com

**Subject** :  _ (No Subject) _

 

_ I can't.  _

_ -Vega _

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

**\---**

 

He stared as Kon whispered something to Cassie and they walked off. He finished the cup in his hand when they hit the stairs. Conner was straight. He had known that. So why did that hurt so much?

Maybe because it had been nearly an entire week since he'd heard from Blue, and his conversations with Kon had been the only thing keeping him from losing it. He grabbed a cup out of a nearby hand and downed it before wandering off toward the kitchen. 

Who knew how many beers later, he was curled in the corner of the porch rereading Blue's emails. He was an idiot. He shouldn't have even come to this stupid party. He hated Byron. He was pretty sure that Byron hated him too. He'd been paired with him on a project freshman year and he hadn't helped at all. So when Tim turned in the project he only put his name on the report. If it hadn't been for Jason he would have gotten his ass kicked. It seemed like he was always on the lookout for a chance to finish what they never got to start too. Celebrating Byron's birthday wasn't exactly how he wanted to spend his Friday night, he should have left with Bart and watched crappy movies on Netflix. He got to the end and saw Blue's last email. He closed his eyes, too much emotion welling up in him. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**To** : BlueSuede@gothamacademypp.com

**From** : Dondiegovega@gothamacademypp.com

**Subject** :  _ I'm not brave.  _

 

_ I'm sorry. I am so sorry. I wish that I could be more like you. I wish that I could say “yes, I would love to meet you.” Because I do. I want to sit with you and listen to your records, and watch you fail miserably at Mario Kart. I want to do everything that we've ever talked about doing. I want to watch you watch Zorro for the first time. I want nothing more than to be around you, because I love you too.  _

_ But I can't. I can't tell my family. And I can't meet you and be with you without telling them. So I'm sorry. And I understand if you never want to talk to me again, but I had to make sure you knew that I love you too.  _

_ My Moody Blue.  _

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He hit send. He couldn't sign that Vega. It felt wrong. 

He was starting to feel wrong. 

He sat up, but his head spun and he laid back down. His phone vibed in his hand. Cassie was asking where he was. He blinked before pressing the call button and cradled his phone against his ear. 

“Did you leave?” 

“I don't drive. How would I leave?” 

“Where are you?” 

“I'm on the back porch.” 

“The porch? Why are you-” Cassie's voice on the phone cut off and a much clearer voice finished “-On the porch?” As she stepped through the door. 

“I was hot.” 

“Are you drunk?” 

“No. I only had,” he counted his fingers and when he reached his second hand she crouched down in front of him. He smiled at her. She smiled back and pat his cheek. 

“Are you ready to go home?” he nodded. She helped him to his feet and when they reached the door a different pair of arms took over. He leaned his head back to look up at Kon. His stomach rumbled and he kept his mouth shut as they moved through the house. 

They stood at the end of the driveway, waiting for something, but he didn't know what. Kon lifted him into his arms when his knees started to fail him and the world spun. He tucked his head against Kon's shoulder and closed his eyes. The world didn't spin when his eyes were closed. “You smell good,” he mumbled. Kon chuckled. He liked the feeling of it. 

“I was not expecting this call.” Wait a second. He knew that voice. He opened his eyes and Dick was smiling at him from a few feet away. “Hey, Kitten. You feeling okay?” He shook his head. 

“‘m gonna fro up.” Thankfully Kon got him to his feet before he retched. He rubbed his back. He was never going back to school. Dick reappeared with a bottle of water. 

The next thing he knew they were in the car and he was curled against the door, the glass cool against his head. They dropped Kon off and then Cassie. He welcomed the quiet, but Dick broke it before they left Cassie's neighborhood. 

“That was for a reason, wasn't it?” 

He nodded. “I messed up.” 

“Can you fix it?” 

“I don't know,” he gasped, tears pressing against his eyes. Dick pulled him into a hug and he panicked for a moment before he realized they had stopped moving. Dick held him as he cried. 

Dick helped him into the house and quietly upstairs. He sat outside the shower and talked to him about nothing. He rubbed his back when he got sick again, then made sure he drank another glass of water. 

“You'll figure it out. You always do,” Dick said as he pulled his blankets up. “And if you have trouble I'll always be here to help out.” 

He started crying again. Dick laid down next to him on top of the covers. He kept talking and when Tim finally said something he listened. He told him about that night all those years ago. How much it had hurt. He talked about every time he'd felt like he wasn't really Dick's brother since. Dick listened then apologized. Tim fell asleep listening to Dick tell a joke. 

 

**\---**

 

Kon was relieved when Cassie said that her and the boys would come to Byron's party. He didn't want to be alone with the team and their crowd. He liked Hero, he was a nice guy and a good captain- it was the others that bothered him. Byron in particular wasn't his favorite person, and the thought of celebrating him in any way was… annoying. But if they were going to be there then he would be fine. 

He had already had two shots pushed on him when Cassie, Tim, and Bart found him in the crowd. Cassie looked amazing as always. All tight jeans and a crop top that barely covered her. But it was Tim that caught his attention. He was in a dark blue corded sweater and his eyes had never looked brighter as he offered Conner one of his easy smiles. He had come to learn that Tim had three types of smiles. The easy one that was for his friends. The forced one that was for everyone one else, and Connor's favorite. The one you got when you could catch him by surprise. 

“There you are!” he said hugging them all together and Cassie laughed pushing him off of them. 

“I see you've been having fun.” She smirked and Conner laughed. 

“Are you thirsty?” he asked in reply telling them to wait as he went to grab drinks. Byron was in the kitchen with Marx, tapping a leg with difficulty.

“Hey man.” Marx grinned stupidly at him. “Want a beer?

Conner made and nodded. “Three. Cassie doesn't like beer.” 

“Cassie is here?” Byron asked as Conner poured vodka into Sprite. He nodded. “You need to jump on that,” Byron told him. “Seriously, Kent. It's obvious she's into you.”

“Yeah right,” he brushed the comment off uncomfortably and took the beers from Marx. “Thanks,” he said as he went back to the main room. 

He didn't drink his beer. Nerves took over as Byron's words echoed in his head. Cassie laughed at jokes he didn't know he'd made, she hit his arm, and stood closer to him than anyone else. He had thought she had liked him that first day, but assumed it had worn off when they started hanging out. But now that it had been brought up he couldn't unsee it. 

Conner’s chest hurt. He hadn't talked to Vega in almost a week, an blank message box sitting open on his desktop daring him to ask why. Why didn't he want to meet him? Did he know? Did he know who Conner was and wasn't interested anymore? Maybe he just didn't feel the same way. Maybe Conner needed to get over this. Maybe he should try to be normal for once and do what he was supposed to do. “Do you want to go somewhere quieter?” he asked Cassie, leaning to whisper in her ear, her entire face lighting up as she nodded and let him lead her upstairs. 

Each step drove soberness back into him. His heart thumping hard as he thought about what getting to the top of the stairs meant. But he could do this. He  _ could _ do this. Cassie pulled him up by the wrist of his sweater down the hallway to the room at the very end. It was early enough that it was still empty. The clean white bedding and wedding photos on the wall telling them that this was Byron's parent's room. Cassie jumped onto the bed with a little bounce and pat the spot next to her grinning. Conner swallowed, walking carefully over to her and sitting down on the very edge of the bed, giving himself the leeway to run if he needed to. “You okay?” Cassie asked, her hand running from the small of his back up to his neck, “You seem nervous.” 

He nodded. “Y-yeah, I am,” he told her. Eyes widening as he looked at her realizing what he said. “Okay, not nervous!” 

She put a hand on his cheek, eyes half open as she moved closer to him. “You don't have to be nervous.” she told him softly, eyes closing as she moved to close the distance between them. 

His email notification went off and Conner stood up, heart pounding as he looked down at Cassie who was watching him both hurt and confused. “I'm sorry,” he breathed and he grabbed her hands, holding them to his chest. “Cassie, you are perfect,” he told her. “B-but I'm g-gay.” 

“Oh,” she breathed. And instead of getting mad she smiled at him, squeezing his hands. “You're gay,” she repeated. 

“I am,” he said, his voice cracking. “I've never said that out loud before.” It was exhausting. He sat back down next to her staring at the wedding photo of Byron's parents, a little of the beer he'd had still making his head swim. He was gay. He had said it. 

“I won't tell anyone,” Cassie promised, still holding his hand. 

He squeezed it. “Thank you,” he told her knowing that there was so much more to say but he didn't get the chance. Her phone rang as Bart called to ask where she was and Conner took the moment to read the new email sitting in his inbox. 

Vega loved him. He thought he was brave, and he loved him. “Kon,” Cassie pulled him up shooting a text before she opened the door. “C’mon, Bart just left and he couldn't find Tim.” 

 

**-**

 

Conner stood in the doorway of his family's apartment, his heart beating hard in his chest. He could still feel the effects of alcohol swimming through his brain but the adrenaline of the night was taking over. He heard his dad typing in the kitchen. Vega thought he was brave. It was time to be brave. It was time to finally be who he was and not be sorry about it. 

“Dad.” He didn't remember walking to the kitchen but he was standing in the square archway. The light over the kitchen table only illuminated part of their home. 

His dad looked up as though he hadn't realized that it had gotten so late. He looked down at his watch it was just barely 11, Conner’s curfew was still an hour away. “Hey kiddo,” he laughed and pushed his glasses up, rubbing at his eyes. “Wasn't expecting you back for a minute. How was the party?” he asked straightening his glasses back up and looking at him. Conner pulled out the chair next to him and sat down. He stared at his hands for at least a minute before his dad said, “Conner?” 

“Pa,” he said again, “Will you still love me? No matter what? Like if I killed someone would you still, like, want me?” 

Clark drowned and examined him, “Of course I would.” he told him and shut his computer, “Did you kill someone?” 

He kept his eyes on his fidgeting fingers. “No.”

He could hear the smile in his dad's voice as he asked, “Do you plan on killing someone? Cause, even though I would still love you if you did, I feel like it's also my responsibility to-” 

“Pa, I'm gay.” He didn't dare look up at him as his words drifted off and he waited. When he didn't say anything Conner continued, “I tried not to be, but I am… and I just thought you should know- hrumph-” the air knocked out of him as his dad pulled him into a hug. He held him tight and Conner's eyes welled up the longer that he held him. 

“Don't ever try not to be you to please someone else,” his dad told him. He pulled back and looked him in the eye. “Not for me or your mother or for anyone. You are the best son we could have ever hoped for and if anyone tells you you aren't supposed to be gay, you tell them to come talk to your father.” He hugged him again and Conner let out a choked laughing cry as he hugged him back. “Thank you for telling me. I love you.” 

He had to take a few deep breaths before he could say, “I love you too, Pa.”

He shut the door of his room feeling like a new person, the tension that he had been carrying his entire life was just gone. He was free. He was brave. Conner opened his computer, his school email already open, the reply he had been working in for a week sitting there on the screen. He discarded it and started a new message.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**To:** DonDiegoVega@gothamacademypp.com  

**From:** BlueSuede@gothamacademypp.com

**Subject:** _Brave_

 

_ My name is Conner Kent. I’ll be eighteen in June. I moved here from Smallville in October with my little brother Jon and my parents. I’m on the Lacrosse team and I have a set of “cool” friends I barely talk to and a set of dorks that I love.  _

_ Tonight I came out to my father. Because you called me brave. I'm not brave Vega. I'm scared shitless all of the time, but I think that's okay. Because my dad still loves me. And I love you. And if you are going to love me then I need you to know who I am.  _

_ I don't know if I have met you, but I want to. I want to know everything about you. You don't have to tell me now. But I hope you will, someday.  _

_ Love, Conner _

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

**\---**

 

Tim woke up the next morning with a sour feeling in his stomach. He rolled over and saw the email notification on the screen. 

He scrambled to open it and was replying before he could think about what anything meant. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**To** : BlueSuede@gothamacademypp.com

**From** : Dondiegovega@gothamacademypp.com

**Subject** :  _ Conner _

 

_ I'll find you.  _

_ On Monday.  _

_ -Me _

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He hit send then stared at his screen. 

Blue was Conner. 

Conner loved him. 

No. He loved Vega. 

He loved the faceless open version of him. 

He wouldn't love Tim. 

Would he? 

 

**-**

 

He spent the rest of the day debating whether or not telling Conner was a good idea. Then all day Sunday trying to work up the nerve to tell his parents. Bruce asked him if he was getting sick at least five times. They hovered a lot when they thought he was getting sick after his whole spleen fiasco. Selina kept touching his face and random things around the house. She touched the milk carton then his head and said “hmm you do feel warm.” He gave up on trying to tell them after that. 

Cass nudged him when they got to school on Monday. “You don't look good,” she said. Her eyes searching his face. She reached to touch his forehead like their mom had, but he caught her arm. 

“I'm fine. Just nervous.” 

“Well don't vomit again. Dick's car still smells like it,” Damian grumbled as he strode past them. He watched him leave. Cass took that chance to touch his forehead. 

“I'm not sick,” he said letting go of her wrist. “You don't have to worry.”

“You are my little brother. I am going to worry.” 

“You're 4 months older than me.” 

Cass smiled. It was a smile she'd learned from Dick. “Still older.” 

“I hate you,” he mumbled. Cass pecked him on the cheek and walked off with a bounce in her step. He followed after her. Ignoring the worry that he was actually getting sick. His stomach was knotted and he couldn't stop sweating. But he knew all of that could also be attributed to the boy sitting across the courtyard talking with Hero. He left his bag with Bart and Cassie. 

“I'm going to go talk to Conner,” he said giving Cassie a sheepish look. She waved him off and turned back to her conversation with Bart. 

He took a deep breath. He could do this. He could ask to talk to Conner, apologize for throwing up on his shoes. Then say something like ‘I'm Vega” or “I found you.” He'd figure something out. As his dad and Nike said he had to ‘Just do it.’

“Hey-” 

“Hey fag!” A splash of coffee hit him. Tim looked around before he realized it hadn't been for him. Conner was dripping, his hands raised as the brown slush soaked into his clothes. Hero stepped up and pulled Byron back, Kon was still frozen in his seat staring with wide eyes at the space in front of him, but he could tell that he wasn't taking anything in. Hero let go when Byron continued, “I fucking heard you at my party. He's gay,” he said in a voice that sounded too loud to Tim. He looked around and people were staring. Byron started laughing at something one of the other guys said and then they were all laughing and jeering. He stood in the middle of it, frozen. Bart brushed past him. His hoodie in his hands as he approached Conner. 

“At least it was iced coffee right?” Bart tried to joke. Kon's eyes flicked to him. “I think the shirt's a lost cause.” Bart admitted. “But we'll find you a new one.” 

“Hey Byron!” Tim turned at Cassie's voice. Byron turned too and his smile was focused on the blonde for a second before her fist collided with his jaw and he dropped. “Fuck you,” she spat. She grabbed Tim and took Kon's hand before pulling them toward the athletic building. Tim took Kon's bag and his own when Bart handed them over after he caught up to them. 

Cassie opened Diana's office door and pulled them in before locking it. 

“Are you okay?” Cassie asked kneeling in front of Kon who had slumped onto a chair. 

“Yeah? I smell now.” 

She chuckled. “Bart's going to grab you a shirt. Do you want to call someone? You said you hadn't told anyone yet.” Kon shook his head. 

Tim turned and looked at Cassie. She knew. She'd known. Conner had told her. He was frozen. 

“Tim? Are you okay?” her voice was ice. It knocked him out of his stupor. 

“Y-yes.” He nodded and her eyes narrowed for a moment before she looked back to Kon. Bart came back waving the new shirt and Cassie shoved Tim out the door. 

“What's your problem?” She demanded. 

“I'm just surprised. You knew? I-I thought you liked him.” 

“He told me on Friday. At Byron's.” She looked through the window to where Bart and Kon were struggling to get the shirt over Kon's head cause Bart was trying to help too much, but Kon was smiling as he tugged at his shirt. “He's my friend and he looked really scared.” He looked at Cassie and wondered how he'd ever doubt that she would stand by him, would still be his friend. 

He hugged her tightly knocking the air out of her. “You're awesome,” he whispered. 

 

**-**

 

“There is a gay kid at school,” Damian announced at dinner. Cassandra looked up in shock. Bruce had paused fork on his way to his mouth. Tim stared at Damian. “He's on the lacrosse team. I heard the Varsity team talking about it.” 

“What were they saying?” He glanced over at his mom. He'd never heard her voice sound like that before. She sounded angry. 

Damian hesitated before mumbling “It wasn't nice,” and looking down at his plate like he regretted bringing it up. 

Tim looked at Damian and when his eyes flicked up he said as calmly as he could manage, “He's my friend.” He'd heard what people were saying.  _ Kon _ had heard. “Stark outed him in front of everyone.” 

He looked over at his parents. 

“That brat from Jason's team?” Bruce asked. 

“Yes.”

“Jason should have hit him harder,” Selina hissed. Jay had punched him when he heard him making fun of Cassandra. 

“Cassie knocked him out cold. He won't admit that a girl did it so she didn't even get in trouble,” he added. 

“Remind me to get her something super special for her birthday.”

They ate the rest of dinner talking about not much, but there was still a tension in the air. 

“Kitten, can I talk to you?” 

He swallowed and followed her to the kitchen. She hopped up on the counter and tapped the island across from her with her toes. He slid up and looked at her. 

“Do you know how his parents are taking it?” He wasn't expecting that question. 

“He told his dad and he hugged him. So I think they're okay?” 

“Good. You make sure he knows if that ever changes he's welcome here.” 

“Yeah okay?” he agreed. “Uh mom? I didn't know you- that you-” he hesitated. 

“My parents were not nice when I told them I liked girls as much as boys. I don't want anyone else to ever go through that.” 

“You're-” 

“Bisexual. Your dad may have my heart, but man do I want to sidle up close to Diana when she visits.” 

“Mom!” 

“Hey. Don't judge me. He knows. I think he'd watch.” 

“Ugh! Stop!” he covered his ears and fled on the sound of his mom's laughter. 

 

**-**

 

Kon was draped over Cassie's couch whining about the latest trailer he'd watched. Tim stared at the stretch of skin where his shirt had ridden up. 

“Not everything needs to have a catch phrase,” Kon said. 

“What's wrong with a good quote?” Bart asked. He was getting destroyed by Cassie at Mario Kart. 

“Are you talking to me?” Tim said imitating de Niro. “Are you talking to me?” 

“Ugh. You've awoken the beast,” Cassie droned.

“Frankly my dear I don't give a damn,” he quipped. 

“Please stop,” Bart begged. Kon was looking between them fascinated by what was happening. 

“I'm going to make him an offer he can't refuse.”

“Why are you like this?” Cassie said, game discarded. 

“Mrs. Robinson, you're trying to seduce me. Aren't you?”

Cassie pushed him. 

He fell off the couch laughing as he shouted, “Get your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty ape!”

“Does this happen often?” Kon asked. 

“Thankfully no,” Cassie answered. “Don't ever bring up movies around him and his dad. They never stop.” 

“Bart. I am your father.” 

“Boo! That was a stretch,” Bart answered. 

“Whatever. My father loved movies before he died. And my dad made sure to keep that love alive. You guys are just jealous.” 

Kon looked confused and Cassie explained. “He's talking about Bruce. All the Wayne's are adopted.” 

“Damian's my dad's, but yeah.”

“I was wondering why you didn't look like your sister.” 

Tim chuckled. “Family movie night is next week. You guys could come. It's my dad's turn to pick. They have been bugging me about bringing you over.” 

“Last time he got ahold of an early screening,” Bart said sitting up. Tim breathed as he listened to Bart retell the event. He had been giving Kon hints trying to get him to figure out that he was Vega for the past few weeks, but nothing seemed to work. He was getting desperate.

 

**-**

 

Tim was nervous. He'd casually mentioned to Bruce that Kon had never seen a Zorro movie and he had nearly dropped his cup of coffee. He knew that whatever movie he'd originally picked was getting pushed to the wayside. 

Kon looked nervous when he followed Bart in. His eyes kept darting around as he took in the entryway. He stumbled down the stairs barely catching himself before he ate tile. 

“Hey! Everyone's already up in the den.” 

He watched Conner as they walked through the house whose nerves seemed to ease the further they walked and the more lived in the manor got. 

“What are we watching?” Bart asked. 

“Mark of Zorro,” Bruce said from right behind them. 

Bart shrieked and hid behind Kon. 

“Again? You don't get to choose movies anymore,” Dick complained from his cocoon of blankets on the floor. Barbara was resting her head on his stomach as she texted. 

“I called it,” Damian said from where he was sharing a recliner with their mom. 

“Did Timmy do his hair this time?” Jason called from the laptop screen. “Turn me. Turn me.” Cass turned the screen and Jason deflated when he saw him. 

“It's too long,” he admitted. 

“We'll show you pics after,” Cassie whispered to Kon. “It's hilarious.” 

They got settled and Dick tried one last time to get a new movie picked, but the DVD slipped in the player and Bruce gave them all a long look before hitting play. 

The movie started and Tim's heart pounded. He glanced over to Kon who was sitting between Cassie and Bart. There was no way that he wouldn't know after this. 

The umbrella filled the doorway and Tim's breath caught in his throat. “Tim used to do his hair like that, curls and all,” Cassie whispered. He felt Kon’s eyes on him as the text card filled the screen. “Returning from Spain, Don Diego Vega…” He fought the urge to look over to him.

Bruce nudged Tim and he grinned looking over to him as they both recited “I detest swords and bloodshed - but- to rid our beautiful country of a menace is a noble deed” along with the character. 

“Someone's at the door. Who could it be?” Jason's tinny voice exclaimed. 

“Don't answer it!” Barbara called as the knock came again. Dick laughed. 

“Is it him?” Jason called. 

Damian cracked up when the door opened and a messenger walked in and posted the wanted sign. He always laughed at that moment. None of them could figure out why he found it as funny as he did. 

Bruce leaned forward when Zorro climbed through the window. He looked over to him. Tim saw the grin on his face and smiled back. 

Bruce stood up and rounded on Tim. Selina sighed and begged her husband, "Bruce. Please don't embarrass the boy.”

“Who would be embarrassed to fight such a worthy adversary?” he asked pushing to his feet. He jumped over the coffee table to avoid having to step over Dick and Barbara. They had plastic swords that they had used too many times and Bruce tossed him one as the characters squared up against each other on screen. 

They fought mirroring the characters that they knew so well. Dick and Barbara were extra obstacles that they had to avoid. 

“Pardon me, Sargent your boot,” he said and Bruce exaggerated looking down. The liquid rained down on screen and Bart snickered. 

“I ask you how I can fight him if he will not stand still,” Bruce exclaimed. 

“Timothy. No!” Selina gasped. “You're not-” her voice cut off as he stood on the mantle above the fireplace. “a child anymore.” 

Zorro stood in the same spot on screen. He grinned. They hadn't played like this in years. He used to jump into Bruce's arms from the fireplace and he'd fall to the ground like he weighed too much. Now Tim called “Justice for all! Punish the oppressors!” And flipped to the ground. He earned a light smattering of applause and Jason's  “show off”. 

“Break in the door we have Zorro in here!” Damian and Selina recited from their chair. 

“Oh no Zorro! Run! They are after you!” Cassie called. 

“I shall escape through this door! Since I forgot to go to the restroom before the movie started.”

He slipped out. As soon as he was out of the room he leaned against the wall trying to keep the panic clutching at his chest at bay. 

 

**\---**

 

Tim had been weird all week. Saying things with weird inflections and avoiding eye contact whenever possible. Conner assumed it was because he was still getting used to the idea that he was gay. But as soon as Cassie started giving him the back story of Don Diego Vega, he stopped breathing. Conner watched Tim act out the movie with his dad, his heart was pounding as he watched Tim run out of the room. He couldn't stay in here. He grabbed his phone like it was buzzing and threw an apologetic look to Tim's mom who was watching him suspiciously. “You feeling okay honey?” she asked. 

Conner nodded and forced a smile. “Yes ma'am sorry, my mom is calling me,” he whispered back and rushed to the door. He closed it slowly, back pressed against it and his hand still on the door handle. “Holy crap.” he breathed looking up at the ceiling until his heart calmed down and he could hear the same labored breathing down the hall. 

He pushed off the door and followed the sound, making his way to an open doorway, a small lamp light the only guide in the dark. Tim was in a large room covered in movie posters. He was laying on a huge bed that was tucked in the corner almost like he was trying hide the extravagance of it and hanging above the large desk on the opposite wall was the poster of Zorro that started the whole thing. Tim had a pillow over his head, laying on the edge of the bed with his legs hanging over the side so he didn't see Conner come in until he was sitting on the bed next to him and the breathing stopped completely. “Cassie?” he asked, pillow unmoving. 

“Nope,” Conner said. 

“...Jason?” he said slowly giving himself away. 

Conner pulled the pillow away from him and Tim blinked, his face red as he looked up at him. “Hi,” Conner said softly. 

Tim swallowed. “Hi,” he whispered back. 

And Conner couldn't help but smile at him. It was Tim. Tim was Vega. And now that he knew he realized that he had hoped it would be Tim the entire time. Tim sat up, still looking unsure as he turned to face him, folding his legs under him. “Are you disappointed?” he asked. “That it’s me?”

Conner shook his head making Tim smile that surprised smile that he hadn't known he loved. 

“We should, uh, probably go back. You have to see the horse chase.” He took Conner's hand and tugged him to his feet. 

Conner looked down at where their hands were still tangled when they reached the den. He pushed open the door and they were greeted by cheers. He shrugged over to Conner, “I got brave.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> **A Look Behind the Scenes**
> 
>  
> 
> Hey ya'll! We just wanted to say Happy (belated) New Year and thank you so much for all of your support! We have written some of our favorite stories this year and each one gets more fun. Thank you everyone for the kind words and the kudos! We posted nine fics on 2018 and plan to keep pumping them out so we hope you stick around!
> 
> This story was of course inspired by the movie, _LOVE, SIMON_. If you have not seen it, please go run to your nearest streaming device and make it happen. Its beautiful and important, and I've probably seen it about thirty times by now. 
> 
> The title of this fic comes from the song [_FEATHERSTONE_](https://youtu.be/M0IDiVQxZYg), by _The Paper Kites_. Give it a listen. It's great I promise. 
> 
> Also, if you don't know- DC comics is coming out with a brand new Young Justice Series and the first issue comes out TODAY! Yay! God buy it and cry with us! 
> 
> If you have story requests, questions or just want to say hello-- follow DNA and I on twitter at [@PBrubbs](https://twitter.com/PBrubbs) and [@Dnawhite51](https://twitter.com/Dnawhite51) and see the process of our day to day writing frustrations. 
> 
> Love you guys! Hope you liked the story and please force it on your friends! But most importantly, be brave my babes!
> 
> -Prubbs


End file.
